I’ve never felt so sober. I’ve never felt the low that I feel tonight. Your words made everything drag on and on.
I finally found her, and when I did I just couldn’t make things right. Is this really happening? Oh God, I think I just ruined my life.
What the fuck am I doing? I can’t tell the difference from wrong and right. I second guess my decisions cause I haven’t been this person in my whole life. I think I need something new here, when I keep longing for what I had. No need for second opinions, I do the best I can to ruin what I have.
This wasn’t part of my vision.
The optimist in me swore we could make this last, but no. You ruined my favorite records. I listen to them and think of you. I just hope you remember all of the countless times that I believed in you, for what?
Just know that it kills me when I hear anything to do with you. If you don’t see it, just believe me. I need to be right where you are. You know that I’m leaving and you won’t hear until a year from now, but this kills me cause now I hate that everything’s about you.
Don’t think you’ve got to go it alone here. I’ve got nothing left to hide. You’ve got time, just make up your mind
I thought this was what you wanted, someone who gets everything right. I thought this was what you wanted, someone to put you first in their life. Cause we’re running out of time.
Confessions in a Late-Night Laundromat
With everything that’s happened, I naturally turned to the one person who hasn’t let me down for support. I fucked up, there’s no sugarcoating it, but even knowing that and the fact that this is the third time I’ve come to him for help on this, he still never fails to give me the guidance I need, even when he’s having troubles of his own. I just wish I’d listened to him sooner.
The biggest take away from tonight: I need to re-evaluate my priorities and find my independence. I need to stop being so afraid of being alone. I need to be my own person, separate from everyone and everything. I need to stop thinking I belong to anyone else but myself. I can’t take on the emotions of other people when I’m barely equipped to handle my own. I need to have more self-control. I need to be stronger. I need to be a little more selfish.
I need to figure out what I want.
Ultimately, believe that now, more than ever, things will eventually fall into place exactly as they should. Maybe not now, and probably not all at once, but with time, things will work out for the better.